Sometimes we underestimate the enormous responsibility of being Santa Claus. Is the task truly as simple as a list of naughty and nice kids? What constitutes “naughty” or “nice” anyway? The distinctions get fuzzy, when you consider certain people in specific situations. (Not to mention, you have a budget to think about. Sure, your dad deserves a brand-new flat screen, but the question is, can you afford it?) As a helpful yuletide hint, we came up with a few situations that may make you scratch your head once you start drafting a list. Does this person truly deserve a present from you this year, or just a generic Merry Christmas message on their timelines on the 24th? From pesky titas to your even peskier pet dog, here’s a list of folks who may or may not be on your Nice List this Christmas.
The Tita who keeps taking cheap shots at your looks
We all have that one such relative: the one who has absolutely no issue with pointing your less than ideal physical traits. (Let’s not get started on the details. #triggered)
Naughty or nice? Naughty.
Does she deserve a gift? As your parents would freak out if you gave her nada, a nice, regifted scented candle should do the trick. The more dust you wipe off it, the better.
The classmate who keeps asking for yellow pad paper
It’s that guy who comes into class with a pen, his phone, and a tone of cologne. Is it just your imagination, or does his undercut change form whenever he turns to you to beg you to spot him some school materials?
Naughty or nice? Nice — or at least, he asks nicely.
Does he deserve a gift? Fine. If you must, give him some National Book Store GCs, because he doesn’t need any more babying from you — just a cold, hard hint.
Your pet dog who keeps chewing on your shoes
Your cute dachshund may have a taste for the finer things in life — that is, leather shoes and sneakers that took months to save up for — but it drives you nuts seeing them all gnawed up when you’re not looking. He’s the reason they invented the line, “Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.” But how do you resist those damn eyes?!
Naughty or nice? Effin’ annoying, is what.
Does he deserve a gift? Yes, because no matter what they do, dogs are perfect. Cats on the other hand…
The teacher who refuses to learn your name
Despite consistently reciting in her class, your professor still thinks your name is Bernadette. Nope, it’s Jane. “Isn’t it Bernadette?” she asks. “You look like a Bernadette.” Deep inside, you’re proud of yourself for resisting the urge to snatch her wig.
Naughty or nice? Naughty and ignorant.
Does she deserve a gift? Nope. Unless you’re hoping for a 0.5 bump up in your grade, then give her some fancy chocolate and let her call you Bernadette for the rest of the semester.
The coworker who gossips about everything and everyone
You get major bad vibes when this person’s around, especially when they accost you at the office pantry with the latest gossip. Does it look like you want to hear about Nelson’s nose job? No, you just want to catch up on the new Gilmore Girls reboot. You’re just lucky they haven’t spread lies about you. Yet.
Naughty or nice? Very naughty.
Do they deserve a gift? While approaching them empty handed at the office Christmas party may incite gossip, you don’t want that kind of negativity in your life. Cut ties! Best to give nothing.