How to feel better in 24 hours

7:15 AM  “We will all perish eventually, what’s the point,” you say as you finally (and groggily) wake up on the fifth ring of your alarm. Good morning. The itch in your throat you ignored last night is now a fully-developed fever and you can’t even grunt about it because it hurts that bad. At the very least, you can eat instant noodles without feeling guilty about the MSG.

8:00 AM It’s never a good idea to drink your morning coffee in this state, not until you feel better. You drink water after eating chocolate cake, not tequila. Also, stop thinking it’s just ambon. Here, have some Berocca. It has caffeine that can keep you up til you’re done with breakfast. Maybe drink it after that bowl of jjampong. Drink at least 2 glasses of water and don’t forget to drink your paracetamol.

9:00 AM It looks like you’re going to have to stay in today. If you can avoid doing work, try to get more sleep to recover. Don’t be the kind of fool who stays active on social media just ‘cause they’re bored. But before going off the radar, check your stories from last night, you might’ve posted something stupid that made you look like you were faking your fever. Your colleagues might think your SL (Sick Leave) is actually a Sinungaling Leave.

12:00 NN You sit across your younger sister who’s covering her nose because she doesn’t want to catch your virus.. Your mom catches you roll your eyes at her as she serves your favorite nilagang baka. “For my sick baby.” You almost tear up when she kisses your forehead. You know you’re being ridiculous but at the same time you’re vulnerable, so today, you’re a baby. Please check yourself, you’re already 24. Oh and don’t forget to drink your second tablet of paracetamol.

1:00 PM If you’re feeling sluggish, take a warm bath. Afterwards, as a reward for surviving til noon (and I bet you’re feeling better now), you can finally drink your coffee for the day. Hot tea is still a better choice, though.

2:00 PM Prepare a pitcher of lemon water in your room so you can drink it while doing… nothing. Avoid people — especially kids — as a safety precaution. Sit back, relax, and listen to a podcast or a soulful album like Mr. Jukes. If you’re online, avoid going to WebMD to check what sickness you could possibly have because they’re probably not true. You have all the reason to take it easy today, you’ll only make things worse if you don’t. And we don’t want that.

4:00 PM Drink your third tablet of paracetamol and drink another glass of Berocca.

6:00 PM Try to get some fresh air by taking a walk outside. Prepare for dinner and reheat the leftover nilagang baka. Hydrate. Hydrate. Hydrate.

8:00 PM Drink your fourth tablet of paracetamol. Evaluate if you’re feeling better or if you’re feeling worse. It’s time to factor in the things that made you this sick. Yes definitely, that gross workmate who never covers his nose when he sneezes contributed to this. And no, don’t open that work email but do reply to your boss’ text.

9:00 PM Wash up. Brush your teeth. Gargle the hell out of that Bactidol. Do your routine and use a face mask if you’re feeling like it. Extra self-care will help. Focus on getting better, but don’t forget how bad you’re feeling now. You don’t want this to happen again, do you? Don’t forget to set your 12AM and 4AM alarm for that fifth and sixth tablets of paracetamol if you’re still feeling like crap. Good night.

7:15 AM I’m sorry, friend. It looks like we’re going to have to try again today.

*Insert JLC ingat GIF here*

P.S. This post is not sponsored by Biogesic, but we wish it was. Hi, John Lloyd.


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