We asked people about their personal ghosting experiences

Art by Gian Nicdao

 

Modern dating can be rough. Connections are often fleeting, and there are so many factors that have to come together to make a relationship work. But first, a little background: Ghosting is pretty much what it sounds like, someone ceasing all forms of communication with the person they’re seeing, hoping they’ll get the hint. This usually happens with online dating, as there are less tangible consequences if you ghost. However, the ethics of ghosting can be subjective to the weight of the connection that two people have, and being ghosted can also be damaging to a person’s self-esteem. A sense of accountability is just as important as emotional maturity, and it’s always best to be careful with feelings and to be honest with words.

 

[READ: Going, going, gone: A playlist about ghosting]

 

To close ghost month, Young STAR asked a few people about their ghosting experiences — how two people meet, how they leave, and why it happens.

“I went out twice with a Libra I met on OkCupid before finally realizing that I wasn’t bored enough to continue being his sounding board. He was alright, I guess, but there’s really not that much to work with. I tried to drop as many hints as I could come up with in the hopes of not resorting to ghosting him, but to no avail. Eventually, I decided to put him on ‘Ignore Messages’ on Messenger and haven’t replied to him since then. He still messages me at least once a month, even replies to my Instagram stories. The last ‘contact’ I had with him was when he sent me a friend request on Facebook through his dog’s account, which I didn’t accept for obvious reasons.”

— Paulyn, 22

 

“I matched with this girl on Bumble. At first, we really clicked. We have lots of similarities, so we kept talking for almost three weeks. We’ve also met a couple of times. Slowly, I realized that we were similar only on a very shallow level. I’ve started to notice her immaturity as the days went by and that lead to me losing my interest in her. My drive to converse with her faded away. I stopped messaging her first, then I became cold with my replies. It came to the point that she stopped messaging me. I haven’t heard from her since.”

— JD, 22

 

“So I met this girl on HER, and apparently we went to the same high school and had a common friend. We hit it off instantly, and we went out the day after. Talked a lot until morning sometimes, and I really thought it was gonna progress, but after a couple of weeks of seeing each other and talking — she suddenly disappeared. No explanation whatsoever. It was weird for me, as I even got worried. After a few weeks of ghosting, she then messaged me at 2 a.m. asking if I was home and wanted to grab ice cream. I didn’t reply, she tried again, but it felt like she just messaged me because she needed someone to talk to or to boost her ego, and I didn’t deserve that. So ykw girl? Bye.”

— Carla, 22

 

“He was a guy I had run into at social events last year, and had always found him cute. This past summer though, we matched on Tinder and we actually hit it off pretty well which was very exciting. Talking all the time, sharing stories about how our days went, and talking about actually going out. One day, he stopped replying to my messages on Telegram, and when he replied five hours later he’d say that it was because he was feeling drained. We were both introverts so I always attributed it to him having to recharge after a day of dealing with people. But then his replies got shorter, and the time he took to reply got longer, until he stopped replying altogether. Of course, like the desperada I was, I tried greeting him good morning like we usually did for like a good two weeks after he stopped talking but eventually I just had to call a spade a spade, and face the fact that I had been effectively ghosted.”

— John, 20

 

“I was newly single and having fun on Tinder. I gave my number and Telegram to one of the first guys I matched with, and it was a disaster. We had nothing in common, and he lives way down south (proximity is important to me!) but he wanted to talk all the time. As I was newly single then, I went out a lot and wasn’t on my phone all the time. That didn’t stop him from messaging me, though. It was so one-sided. One time, he spammed me with ‘hey’ and messaged me on both Facebook (yes, he found me on Facebook) and Telegram. He told me I wasn’t replying so he had to flood me. I had zero time for drama so I just stopped replying and blocked him everywhere. Thankfully, he got the memo and eventually stopped.”

— Kat, 23

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